a tale of grit

It has been ten years since I saw my baby in my arms. When she was born, she was a good mass of pink, and those tender fingers and toes bore extra touch of pink. I haven't seen her since then.

Ah... all that pain during the labour, I was exhausted, I wanted everything to end, but my creator had other plans, I survived, and so did Upasna. Somehow, we were separated at the very beginning. He believed that I would be a bad influence on Upasna, perhaps he was right! I had my way around things that concerned me and bothered me. I was always timid and didn't dare to raise my spirits no matter what. And he believed that I was too dependent, and had no life of my own.

Upasna, a young girl now, and I wonder if she is aware of my presence in this world. I never saw her after they took her away from me, I wanted her back, but my shrieks were all in vain. He had labelled me legally that I was not right in my mind, and that I was a threat to Upasna, and she had to be safeguarded from me.

Perhaps it was my weak nature of not arguing and putting up a show made my mind unstable. I stayed quiet when he came home drunk. I stayed quiet when he brought the lady in the velvet dress home. I stayed quiet when he kicked me in the stomach and gave a blow on my face. I was weak to fight him back. Yes, I could do all the household chores, took care of his family, worked to earn a living as well, but I was too weak to fight him back. He was right, I would be a bad influence on Upasna.

One day, he cantered down the corridor where I was sitting, and threw some papers against my face. It was time, he had been with me for a long time now, it was time, for him to let me go... but was I ready? Was I ready to let him go? I did not know then, nor I know any better now. The question is still not answered.

I am waiting for Upasna outside her school, and the last bell rings. Children in their uniforms cheerfully storm out through those huge gates, and I see her amidst the crowd of little ones. I could recognize her for she has his eyes, the one I loved very dearly. She hugs her mother and her father, not giving a glance at the lady standing near the gate. The man doesn't bother to notice the lady's presence, and the three drive away in their car.

A tear drop rolls down my cheek, giving me the answer that I was looking for. Upasna is me by blood, and she has to remain strong unlike me who was weak all the time. Well, not anymore, for I have the answer now, and I have decided to let go!