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Tuesday, 11 July 2017

a tale of grit


It has been ten years since I saw my baby in my arms. When she was born, she was a good mass of pink, and those tender fingers and toes bore extra touch of pink. I haven't seen her since then.

Ah... all that pain during the labour, I was exhausted, I wanted everything to end, but my creator had other plans, I survived, and so did Upasna. Somehow, we were separated at the very beginning. He believed that I would be a bad influence on Upasna, perhaps he was right! I had my way around things that concerned me and bothered me. I was always timid and didn't dare to raise my spirits no matter what. And he believed that I was too dependent, and had no life of my own.

Upasna, a young girl now, and I wonder if she is aware of my presence in this world. I never saw her after they took her away from me, I wanted her back, but my shrieks were all in vain. He had labelled me legally that I was not right in my mind, and that I was a threat to Upasna, and she had to be safeguarded from me.

Perhaps it was my weak nature of not arguing and putting up a show made my mind unstable. I stayed quiet when he came home drunk. I stayed quiet when he brought the lady in the velvet dress home. I stayed quiet when he kicked me in the stomach and gave a blow on my face. I was weak to fight him back. Yes, I could do all the household chores, took care of his family, worked to earn a living as well, but I was too weak to fight him back. He was right, I would be a bad influence on Upasna.

One day, he cantered down the corridor where I was sitting, and threw some papers against my face. It was time, he had been with me for a long time now, it was time, for him to let me go... but was I ready? Was I ready to let him go? I did not know then, nor I know any better now. The question is still not answered.

I am waiting for Upasna outside her school, and the last bell rings. Children in their uniforms cheerfully storm out through those huge gates, and I see her amidst the crowd of little ones. I could recognize her for she has his eyes, the one I loved very dearly. She hugs her mother and her father, not giving a glance at the lady standing near the gate. The man doesn't bother to notice the lady's presence, and the three drive away in their car.

A tear drop rolls down my cheek, giving me the answer that I was looking for. Upasna is me by blood, and she has to remain strong unlike me who was weak all the time. Well, not anymore, for I have the answer now, and I have decided to let go!

8 comments:

  1. A question is nagging me though,. this is with regards to your second para dealing with the nature of woman and she treated as unfit to raise the child?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was a reference to the label, 'mad woman'.

      Delete
    2. Sorry for misreading, I was under the impression that due to her nature of dependency she is treated as unfit.

      Delete
    3. Please don't apologize... It could be another interpretation for all you may know...

      Delete

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